For Valentines Day I Tried: Dying My Pubic Hair Pink
Around this time of year, the internet blows up with Valentine’s Day posts. What to do, what to wear, what makeup to put on…it becomes quite repetitive and quite pontifical, and makes the valentine-less feel left out. Valentine’s Day, I do not need to remind you, is a holiday brilliantly created by Hallmark to drive sales of cards, chocolates, and flowers. Of course, though it’s nice to show your love and dedication to your partner on a particular day of the year, this can easily fall into traditional gender roles…and easily get super corny. After all, shouldn’t we be showing our love as much as we can? And will a trip to the store to buy a card or flowers really be a true token of love? This year, I will not be giving chocolates. I will not make dinner. I will not cut big hearts into red construction paper. I will do something fun for myself, as should you. Tough it doesn’t hurt that my partner might enjoy it as well…
Yes, I’ve decided to dye my pubic hair pink.
Oh, how fun it is to write these two words: PINK PUBES!
We don’t talk about pubic hair much on the internet; they seem to be quite taboo. In fact, even the hair dye I used, particularly formulated for pubic hair, never refers to them as much. They use the code name instead: the hair down there. (I would also like to add that Fun Bety’s translating team did an hilarious, awful job, and am suspecting some Google Translator play here.)
The hair down there does not get enough appreciation. It’s trimmed, waxed, lazered, and shaven bare. If you decide to go au natural as a lady, you’re un-feminine, undesirable, and ridiculed as belonging to the wrong era. Even I, a staunch feminist, shape my hair down there, excuse me, my PUBES, to fit societal norms a little bit more. I sport a carefully pruned triangle.
And to celebrate it, or to rebel against it, I wanted it to be pink.
STEP 1: If you’re an idiot like me, then you’re likely to quickly glance over the directions and get it wrong. I mixed in the color and the lightening cream together, instead of adding the developing cream to the lightening cream. Once I got the mixture right, I applied it evenly, in upward motions to get at the roots of my hair.
STEP 2: I waited about 25 minutes, and then rinsed it off in the shower. My once jet black pubic hair was a bright straw yellow. I was quite amused by this, and also pleasantly surprised.
STEP 3: Here is the appropriate time to add the color, alone, exactly the same way as in step one. To make sure I didn’t get any coloring outside of my pubic triangle, I applied some of my Glossier Balm Dotcom (I was out of Vaseline) so that the color would remain contained and wouldn’t stain my skin. The dye is specially formulated to not drip, however, so that shouldn’t be too much of a concern, but better safe than sorry.
STEP 4: Similar to step 2, wait. Though the longer you do, the brighter the outcome. And you guessed it, I wanted my pubes to be as bright, and as pink, as humanly possible. After 30+ minutes, I was not let down. Once I rinsed myself off (don’t use soap, as it might interfere with the freshly applied dye), my hair looked as pink as I had wanted it to be. I gleamed with joy. I was happy for my pubic hair, and I actually wished I had more of it so that my now neon-pink nether region could have been even more eye-catching, even more bright.
It’s unfortunate that we are so critical of women’s hair. We are hairy creatures, and yet femininity is in part categorized as a lack of hair. Though we are naturally less hairy than men, it is a total absence of it that makes us more woman-like, at least in the eyes of men. Dying my pubic hair pink, I strangely felt much more proud and celebratory of it. It seemed to both make a joke of the whole thing, and criticize it at once. It seemed to make break down a taboo, and to make the absurd more obvious, too.
It made me happy.
It made him, too.
For valentine’s day this year, or tomorrow, or next month, I invite you dye your pubic hair too. Dye it purple, or green, or blue. Or pink. I think it’ll help you move past a perception of pubic hair as inherently repulsive and unsexy, and help you to embrace and accept, and even perhaps grow out, your pubic hair area. Though I’ve always liked having hair down there, and refuse to go completely bare, I find that since my dye job I’m much more likely to stare straight down at it, or pause when looking in the mirror, and smirk with happiness. And why not? It’s cute as hell. You deserve to feel cute as hell all over. Enough with the pubic hair shaming. I’m calling a revolution.